JO-ANNE VANDERMEULEN “Conquer All Obstacles”

 

Fact: Around 97% queries are rejected by agents.

How can I keep my submission out of the slush pile?

From the first paragraph, keep the agent immersed in your writing.

 

How can I keep my reader immersed in my writing?

1.) Avoid dumping backstory:  Drop the explanation. Sprinkle backstory   after page 50.

2.) Show don’t tell: The reader wants action right away. The writer must show rather than tell.

ACTION = SHOWING

 

 

The difference between showing vs. telling:

 

1.) If you picture the scene through the narrator, you are telling.

 

TELLING: Robin’s body shook with fright.

 

SHOWING: Air caught, she swallowed the lump as the bile

burned down her throat.

 

Pretend the scene, you want to include in your story, is being filmed by a movie camera. If the camera stays in the hands of the camera man, this is telling. But if you allow your main character, who is experiencing the action, to have the camera, the scene is shown.

 

*Keep the camera in the hands of the character. The event must be shown through the character’s eyes–POV (point of view). Only in this way, will you be able to describe exactly how that character feels when they are scared.

2.) If you use the word ‘was’ in a sentence, you are telling.

 

TELLING: Robin was terrified and her body shook with fright.

 

SHOWING: Robin’s eyes darted from the blade toward

the doorway.

 

*Revisions – after you have produced the rough draft, line-edit each sentence. Ask yourself:

- Who has the camera?

- Scan for the word ‘was’. Replace the word ‘was’ with action.

(darted – ed is stronger than darting-ing): When the action is being done to the character, use ing:

Poor: Robin was terrified and her body shook with fright.

 

Better: Robin finally responded, her eyes darting from the blade toward the doorway.

 

BEST: Robin’s eyes darted from the blade toward the doorway.

 

Conquer all obstacles by showing the scene through the eyes of your character.